Endre’s Eats says the sign on the door. A modest establishment; music, food and wine and everyone here brandishes a kind friendly face. All except for the mercenary type that sits in the corner, with his hair in his mug of ale. A feminine, rouge colored hand on the chest wakes the poor sod from his slumber. Her seductive voice abets, “I'm almost certain this must’ve reeeally hurt” as she motions to sit down next to him. Forinzo looks up and sees a comely tiefling woman, dressed in tight leather armor. Tight in all the right places and barely enough to offer much protection at all. “Eh, if you’re buy’n sweet ti…”, blurts Forinzo as she interupts, “DRINKS!… please”. “Now” she says, “tell me all about how you got that scar, lovely man”…
The party was less than a half days journey from the Haunted Bridge. We were set to cross at about high noon. It’s a good time yea, lord knows you ain’t be wantin to get stuck crossin when the sun goes down. Forinzo pauses as if he forgot what he was going to say next… Oh yeah!… First fucked up thing that happened was them damn elves be hearing the stones talking to them. I heard em meself sometimes tellin me just how wonderful I am, am I right luv? But seriously, them fucking elves are crazier than two rats fight for a piece of shit! All three of them said they erd the same freaken voice from the great beyond tell em this…
“Seeking Elrodel in the hidden place and the Crown of Winds for the one worthy to rule, must take a second seat… for now. For there are more pressing matters at hand children of the fey. The fate of the world lies in your hands. Tarry not my children! May the Lady of the Forest guide you always.”
… Leave it to them faerie fucks to be overly dramatic! The only thing that mussent tarry is that fucking wench with our DRINKS! Now where was I… um, oh yeah the god damn most ugliest boogerbear you ever did see! Auuff and the fucking smell… ooooh Tempus! That’s proly why the fucker pounded me so bad. He had me distracted with the dung breath he was breathing into my face. Speaking of distractions, why don’t you come over here and give ole Fomas a little squeeze eh? The lady replied, “later handsome, tell me about your companions… did they fight well?”
Oh yeah for the most part… I mean you know for a bunch of greenhorn cunts. The litt’el one took quite a beating at the beginning. I thought he’d be reading books, or whatever the fuck them gnomes do, with ole Glittergold imself that day. Tough litt’el fuck that one and sneaky too but can’t hit a sleepin gob if his life depended on it hahahahar. And that treebonin lass well she’s provin to be quite the healer. Saved that gnome’s life me thinks. Don’t worry about ole Forinzo over here gettin his chest caved in by that fucker’s morninstar noooo!… Don’t need the help anyways. I saw that boogerbears morningstar fall right into the bog along with any hope him ever hitting me again hahahar. “Forinzooo dear about your… companions”, she said as she tilted his flagon making him drink more.
Yeah well they held their own, except for that one that’s always shittin imself. If it weren’t for his Helmed Horror I’da been… um.. you know… I think I smelled something worse than that boogerbear’s breath when he got close to me. Well the fight continued a couple of them fell and then they made their move. The boogerbears made for one of the wagons. They offed one of the merchants. Urlam is goin to be fucking pissed about that one. It’s that fucking Rhobin’s fault (NPC’d byTom) let it come out of his pay!… Forinzo pauses to regain his thoughts… So the boogerbear takes the reigns. Another jumps inside the back of the wagon… There gonna steal the caravan!… pff bet you didn’t see that one coming right? Rhobin climbs inside the back too and kills one of the boogers but the main booger is still strong and at the helm. I whip out my trusty crossbow and put one in his chest. Alen managed to loose another arrow that got the fucker in the hip. We hadn’t notice at the time but that treehumpin lass turned one of the puddles in front of the horses into ice. Here comes that Helmed Horror flying up all sorts of horror unto that boogerbear. Carved that fucker up like a piece of muttin. The booger falls out the wagon bleeding from the neck. And that’s when all fuck shit breaks loose! The horses shit cause they heading straight for the ice! Rhobin shits cause he thinks the boogers are going to get away with him and rape him later or something. So he backflips out of the wagon… Perfectly… I mean this was a perfect backflip seriously. And of course Alen shits cause he can’t believe that one of his arrows actually made contact with something other than wagon canvas!…. Hahahahrrr… Still to see him wet that raper of his HAH! Well the horses hit the ice, HARD! One of them twisted his leg. The wagon hit the bridge pretty hard too… broke one of the wheels in half! What a fucking disaster! I guess all in all it could have been worse but we still had to see what we did with that horse. They put the fucking harness on that Helmed Horror… could you believe that? Don’t know how far that thing is going to pull the wagon. We still gotta get off this bridge by sunset right so here’s what we did… The tiefling gets up and grabs Forinzo’s hand and says “Save it handsome, why don’t you tell me all about it at my place? Every last little bit. Every little detail, yes? I want to know everything about these companions of yours!”….
“Rhobin, RHOBIN!! Hey, sorry to disturb you, where you off somewhere in fairyland? Frolicking about with your little wings and such? HEY HOW BOUT PASSING ME THAT OTHER DAMN WHEEL!!! This wagon ain’t gonna fix itself you know and sunset come along faster than you think!”